Dating.
So without further adieu let me delve into my personal epiphany.
My dating escapades as of late (ok for nearly the past year..) have been less that admirable. Since I moved up here I think I've been on a grand total of about 5 real dates. But that's not the focus of this, just backstory. I started trying new things recently. For example, I crossed an item off my bucketlist and I kissed a complete stranger. Didn't know her name, she didn't know mine. Met her and bam, we kissed. Neat right? I recommend trying it. I also met a girl that I had an instant connection with (don't worry, if you happen to read this I'm keeping it anonymous) but since the first night things drastically went downwards... Much to my dismay. So let me tell you about it!
If you've read any of my other posts from for-ages ago, I mentioned how I like to evaluate things and often myself in these situations. Here goes.
I read some forums on Reddit after the matter, pining for inspiration. And then I found it. I was on my phone and took a screen shot. Can't seem to find it again on my computer... so I'll just write it out. It has mild language, it's not my own, just what inspired me. Sorry for the swears..
"Females love assholes because assholes know how to keep them in check. Assholes know how to make a girl try harder than she has to, while nice guys would do more for the giving and the girl just receives. Assholes know how to make a girl pay more attention than she usually does, while nice guys would spoil the girl with more attention than she can handle. Assholes know how to make a girl miss them so much that it hurts. Nice guys cling on so much to the point where the girl wants to be away. Assholes know how to keep a girl in love so deep that it feels impossible to leave while nice guys give the girl too much freedom that they're able to explore many other options"
Now then. This plays into the age old adage that women love these grade-A douchers. I'm not going to even touch on that. My epiphany came when I examined how the "nice guy" treats the girl. I couldn't care less what the a-holes do. And let me tell you why the "nice guy" traits stuck out to me. Or rather, let me show you.
This was a text from the girl I instantly had a connection with. Once it clicked after I read that blurb from some rando off the internet I immediately thought, "shiiiii.....". It all made sense. She said this and I initially thought she was saying "I can tell you appreciate me by how you treat me" but instead what she was really saying was "you're suffocating me".
See, the thing is I usually fall quickly. Maybe too quickly. In my mind if I like you and you like me, we should, and can, just make time and see each other and not worry about any other BS. Nope. Note to self, world does not equal my thought process. I made myself quite available to try and accommodate her busy life right now. She never had the opportunity to miss me. I paid her all kinds of attention. I gave all the time without expecting to receive. Essentially, I did all the wrong things. I'm not saying we men need to fit the mold every time. But everything that it said there made me realize that I pushed her away by possibly appearing very needy and clingy. Which if you know me, I'm not. I've been alone for a few years now and a couple days/months isn't going to ruin my life. But I realize now that I want someone to care about, and them to reciprocate those feelings. With her I showed that too much, and right from the get go, I can see how that can be scary. (in fact long ago there was a girl that treated me just like I treated this girl, and I can tell you I didn't like it at all. Now I realize what a fool I've been doing the exact same thing...) Either way. I'm still learning, hopefully I always will be. If you read this, I hope it inspired you in some way as well. DON'T BE THAT GUY! Thanks for reading!
BTW this girl helped me rekindle a love for a lot of my favorite old high school bands. (thank you ;) ) So here's one that fits! Just for that ironic jab to maybe hit you in the feels if you've done the same thing I did.
Gabe, I love that you can dig to express yourself, you aren't a man of many spoken words (on personal things), but you lay it out well when you write. Somedays I'm mad at these girls for not "seeing" you... but then I remember that the girl that "deserves" you will see you. I don't pretend to understand time, but I do trust it after all these years; it shouldn't be forced and it teaches us important things. You have always had a deep love to share with everyone you took interest in, you are loyal and willing to become involved in whatever they love. You are real in loving, and that is rare. Keep being open to what will make love ideal, and use it to manage it as a gift. I've loved watching you stretch into the man you are :)
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