Let's start with Valentine's. I think it's a crock. In my eyes love isn't something that should be relegated to one single day. Love is something you should celebrate every single day! Especially considering the fact that I thought I had found love once; when I find it again I'm not going to let go. Sure I'll make Valentine's special, but that's just because I want to make every day special for the person that makes my world shine. Any who, I've never had a girlfriend on Valentine's day, and this one is shaping up to be no different. Oh well, life goes on.
For whatever reason(s) it may be, love has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not talking about the love between family members or close friends, not the plutonic kind or anything like that. I'm talking about the love that exists between lovers. The kind that made Ozzie Osbourne say he'd had sex with hundreds of women but only ever made love to one; his wife Sharon. The kind that makes a goofy grin appear on your face for no good reason. The reason Dr. Suess said it's better to stay awake because your real life is finally better than your dreams. That's the kind of love I'm talking about. That's the kind of love I want.
I could probably assume that one of the reasons affecting my thought process lately is the fact that another of my younger sisters is talking marriage with her boyfriend. It's getting serious folks. When I went home for Christmas there were only 2 of us 6 siblings that were single; myself and my at-the-time 12 year old sister. Needless to say, it was slightly disconcerting. I'm happy for them though, and just to reemphasize, nothing I say here is meant to elicit any sympathy. Don't waste any time feeling bad for me, there's no need. I don't feel bad for me, I'm merely informing you on my views, etc. So as I was saying-- little sister, boyfriend, talking dates for marriage, Valentines around the corner, love is in the air. You put the pieces together. It's no wonder I'm currently thinking about the implications love could have on my life right now.
So what are some of the other reasons? Well, I recently watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and boy did that have some insights and some scenes that freaking hit home. Paul Rudd, frequent funny man in other films had a very paternal, intellectual and impressing role as Mr. Anderson, the 9th grade English teacher. He had a particular line that I'm sure any of you that have seen the film are familiar with, "we accept the love we think we deserve". The quintessential answer to most unrequited love stories, or practically any love story for that matter! <random thought, bear with me> Now I don't mean to make any unfair jabs, but the question is almost always asked, "why do girls go for douchebag guys?". Is that the answer? That they think that's the only love they deserve? I have no idea.. I'm no girl and I'm far from understanding any of them, but it certainly begs the question in and of itself. </random thought -- for any of you html friends out there. for the rest of you the backslash is used to end any sequence in HTML coding, thus the end of my random thought>. So then, what love do we deserve? Probably a deeper question than I want to discuss with myself right now. But I think it's definitely something we should think about on a regular basis. And this we can apply to any kind of love, even the plutonic kind.
Next point from the film that not only got me thinking again, but really hit home. !!IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH!!! A disgusting plague that I came to know when I was 17. Not due to any personal encounter of my own, however, sorry if that was misleading. Instead it was the confession of my present girlfriend. Her brother had molested her when she was younger and she was just starting to get past some of the issues it had pressed up on her. Granted there were still things that had to be dealt with delicately, she was doing better. After confiding my recent discovery in a very, very close friend, and I assume being deemed with having enough of a sound mind to understand more of the situation, I was told that she too was molested by her brother and about the resultant issues that arose from it. I didn't know what to think. People I loved and cared about were carrying such heavy burdens, even if it had happened in the past and even if it's been dealt with I was told that it was very hard to move on. But I was assured it could be done. It's hard to remember exactly how I felt. A mix of awe at what this women had accomplished with her life, and sadness trying to fathom how life must have been for her, and what it would mean for my current girlfriend, and stirrings of anger that people were capable of such evil. It was at this point my eyes slowly started opening to what REAL hardships there were in life. I considered myself, and still do honestly, to be incredibly blessed. My trials seemed and are still miniscule and pale in comparison. Both of these women have gone on to accomplish great things, and so have others that I've come in contact with. There too many people that I know and love that have had to deal with this issue, and thousands more out there that I don't know too. It makes my heart ache, but I'm amazed still at what they are capable of. They are truly amazing people. I guess one of the most important lessons I learned from it all is that the past does not define us, no matter what it may hold. It has shaped us, but it is not us, it's merely a part that will compel us to better futures.
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER CONTINUE READING HERE
Another aspect to this love fiasco is music. I speak Spanish, so naturally I listen to Spanish music. A band from Puerto Rico called Calle 13 is one I particularly like and they have a song called Muerte in Hawaii (which I'll link so you can listen to). It's a little different from their usual stuff. The chorus says "todo lo que hago lo hago por ti, es que tu me sacas lo mejor de mi" which translates to "every thing I do I do for you, it's because you bring out the best in me". That's what love is all about, bringing out the best in each other. Not completing each other, but complementing and accentuating each other to be our best selves.
Now then, how about some aspects of love. The corresponding feelings and all that great stuff. I remember a conversation I had with a good friend awhile back where we were talking about relationships and whatnot. I have a pretty imaginative mind and so when he painted this picture I really connected with it. He was talking about the first kiss with someone we really care about. The kind where you're nervous before it happens because you know how stoked you are on her and hope she's just as stoked on you. So you move in slowly because you don't wanna rush it and screw it all up, and when it happens it just seems like everything is right in the world. That feeling is amazing. That's the kind of feeling I want to have every time I kiss the person I love.
So here I am, in a sea of people I don't really know with all these crazy thoughts running around in my dome about love and all the crazy stuff that comes with it. So rather than letting opportunities pass by idly sitting by, I'm going to try and seize them. I'm only gonna meet people if I put myself out there, so I'll try. Who knows what's going to happen, I'm not expecting anything great, but I'm excited for all the newness around me that I'm experiencing. So there you have it, my Valentine's love post. Take from it what you will. I know what I need to do now.